Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
