How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
