What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
