i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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