I puked a lego.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My ass is underappreciated
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
