the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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