I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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