I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
