Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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