i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
