When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
