Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
