new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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