It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
