We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
