Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
