So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
