So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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