i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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