he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
