I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
