frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
