If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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