you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
