I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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