Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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