maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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