EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am naked and annoyed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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