I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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