You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
