I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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