So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
