My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
