That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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