Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sober January is a disaster.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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