theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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