piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
