Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
