I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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