Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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