I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So. Much. Porn.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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