i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
