Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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