Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
