I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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