Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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