we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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