I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
