a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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