dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
