oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
