Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
