so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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