I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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